Career Day
by Lorilei
Summary: Jon Simpson manages to convince SG-1 to come to Career Day at Colorado Springs High School.
1. Chapter 1

These characters both real and imagined belong to someone else. Thanks to Shannon K for your help!

"Just how drunk was I when I agreed to this?" Jack snarled at his companions as they walked up the stairs to Colorado Springs High School. He tugged at the tie to his dress blue uniform like it was a noose around his neck.

"You agreed to this when we got back from PX5-814, sir," Sam said, trying to keep the grin off her face.

"PX what?"

"You know, the purple planet with the psychotropic mushrooms we all ate by mistake," Daniel sighed, regretting once again mistranslating important words like hallucinogenic and psychedelic. "We were tripping for twenty-four hours straight and for some reason you decided to call your mini-me and share the experience with him."

"We must guide the young Tauri on their future paths as warriors, O'Neill," offered T'ealc as he carried two boxes of pamphlets on careers in astrophysics and Air Force recruitment.

Jon met them at the front door he was wearing a red t-shirt that said, 'I tried to be good, but I got bored.' Taking the box of archaeology and linguistics materials from Daniel he greeted them, "Danny, T how are you on this fine day? Sam, you're looking good. Old man, did you remember to take your meds today, we can't have your knees creaking during your presentation."

"Very funny, shrimp, how are we doing this?" Jack said, resisting the urge to smack his young clone.

"Mr. Miller has assigned us two rooms. Danny and T will handle the archaeology/linguistics presentation in one and Air Force/astrophysics in the other," Jon informed them. "Ah, here we are, Sam, after you. This is the room for you and the old man to make your pitches in. Daniel and T will be right across the hall."

T'ealc deposited the boxes of information on the teacher's desk. Taking the boxes from Jon he headed across the hall with Daniel to set up their room. T'ealc was wearing a black polo shirt and khaki pants while Danny was in a tailored blue linen shirt and crisp jeans.

Jack saw the look on the young man's face and asked, "What is with the smirk, Mini-Me? Want to let the old man in on the joke and why did you assign T to be Danny Boy's assistant?"

The slight smirk on the clone's face bloomed into a full blown grin. "One of the girls on the basketball team happened to see Daniel the other day when he came to pick me up after the fight. His career class is 95 percent female and there were a couple of shoving matches at the signup sheet. T is there to watch his six, literally."

Sam snickered, "Holy Hannah, I wonder if Daniel will even notice that no one is really listening to what he has to say."

"Excellent, this is gonna be great ammunition back at the base. I wish I could get it on film," Jack said, rubbing his hands like Montgomery Burns.

"Already taken care of, Homer," Jon informed him, "I have a plant in there with a video cell phone. Lisa will even make sure to torture him a little."

"Lisa?" Sam asked with a raised eyebrow.

"That is just Bart's nickname for me," stated a petite redhead wearing a shirt that stated, 'I have multiple personalities and none of them like you.' "You must be Marge and Homer."

"Just out of curiosity, what are Daniel and T's nicknames, _Bart_?" Jack asked.

"Carl for T and Martin for Danny," Jon grinned, "Are we ready for Operation Springfield, Lisa?"

"All set, but I will have you know the money I am not making off this is significant. The head cheerleader offered me $100 bucks to trade classes with her," the girl informed Jon.

Sam whistled, "That would buy a lot of coffee. So, what is your name?"

"Sorry for Jon's _total_ lack of manners, I'm Shannon. You're Sam and Jack, Jon has told me about you. Can I talk to you later about astrophysics since I am missing your presentation to help Bart here torture his other uncle?"

"Sure, I'd be glad to talk to you later, Shannon," Sam answered, "um, other uncle?"

"Yeah, I figure Jack must be another of Jon's uncles since there's resemblance around the eyes," Shannon reasoned.

"Oh, I really don't see it," Sam ran her finger inside the collar of her uniform, "well; except for their fascination for the Simpsons."

"That is not fascination; it is obsession on Jon's part. I'd better get across the hall and get a good seat before the mass hysteria starts," nodding to each of the conspirators, "Marge, Homer, _Bart_."


	2. Chapter 2

Everyone real and imagined belong to someone else. Also, thank the Lord for Wikipedia for the astrophysics.

Something hitting his forehead startled Jack out of his stupor. Looking down in his lap he saw a piece of folded paper. Opening it he read: Wake up and pay attention, dufus! Glaring at his clone, he found him balancing a pen on his upper lip. Tuning into what Carter was saying he looked around the room.

"The theory of everything is a hypothetical theory in theoretical physics that explains and links together all physical phenomena. It was initially used as a way to overgeneralize various theories," Sam explained to the class.

Scanning the room, he found a group of jocks joking around in the back corner. They were growing increasingly louder and it looked like the major was fast losing patience with them. Deciding it was time to take action, Jack stood and interrupted, "Excuse me Major Carter but it looks like the gentlemen in the back have something fascinating to add. Gentlemen, since you apparently hold doctorates in astrophysics, do you have something to add to the major's presentation?"

"Nah, old geezer, the chick is a hottie but no one here is interested in joining the 'Hair' Force or being an astronut," said the muscular ringleader.

"So you speak for this entire class, do you," Jack asked with sarcasm dripping off every word. Looking around the room he focused in on his mini-me, "you there, you aren't interested in joining the _Air_ Force or in exploring new worlds?"

Rolling his eyes at the original, Jon sat up straighter and said, "Sir, no sir! I am here to learn about the opportunities presented by the United States Air Force, sir!"

The glare the other student gave him could have melted glass. "And I suppose you think you're good enough to join up with the wing-wipers?" he snarked.

Jon gives him a cold look. "More than you will ever know."

Lunging toward the former black ops officer in a teenage body, the jock tried to take a swing at Jon. Luckily for him, his friends and teammates held him back.

Seeing the ace bandage on the attacker's right wrist, Jack asked, "You wouldn't happen to be on the football team by chance?"

"Yeah, what of it?" snarled the linebacker belligerently.

"No reason," Jack said innocently rocking back and forth on his heels with his hands in his pockets, "Nice to know all the training the Air Force and I have put into Mr. Simpson has not been forgotten."


	3. Chapter 3

Ok, here it is, Chapter 3. I want to thank Shannon for writing her own dialog, I don't think it would have sounded like her if she didn't. Oh and Shannon, FC Dallas still rules!

Disclaimer is on the first chapter.

Across the hall, an entirely different scenario was playing out. Of the thirty-five teenagers in the room, only seven were paying any sort attention to what Daniel was saying. The other twenty-eight were undressing Dr. Jackson with their eyes and passing around various surveys about him. Also,one highly creative artist with a vivid imagination was creating a masterpiece in notebook paper and pen.

The five guys in the room were trying to look interested in what was being said, but had been lost for quite some time. The lone person in the room that was paying close attention and taking notes on everything her honorary uncle was passionately talking about was Cassandra Fraiser. The teenage spy was going over her notes from Jon while making sure her phone was recording.

Shannon looked down again; she had no idea why Jon had asked her to ask this question. When she pressed him about it, all he could do was mumble something about it being a long story and if he told her then he would have to kill her. That only further piqued her curiosity, but here she was about to fulfill Jon's bizarre request.

So as she sat there , drumming her fingers nervously and twirling a lock of her hair, Shannon waited patiently for her chance to strike. She would, in Jon's words, be the snake to Daniel's mongoose; or was that the mongoose to his snake?

When Daniel finally finished with his brief lecture about the academic requirements of obtaining a degree in archeology, Shannon struck.

"So, Dr. Jackson," she said in her sweetest voice. "I read somewhere that several years ago you wrote a paper saying that the Great Pyramids in Giza, Egypt are actually older that what mainstream academia believes them to believe. So how old are they and where is your proof to back up your hypothesis? If your theories are right, then you would be pretty famous. Or is that because your theories are a bit radical and challenged the conventional ideas that the pyramids were built by a slave work force in the Old and Middle Kingdoms, you became decidedly unpopular in certain academic circles."

Teal'c went focused his full attention on the girl who was questioning his friend while Daniel nervously ran his hand through his hair. "Well, my theory wasn't very well received and I have a great job now that involves travel to exotic places, interesting challenges and the health care can't be beat," he replied.

"Ok, can you explain why I found at least two obituaries for you? Do you have a condition or something?"

"Someone has done her homework, I see," Daniel laughed nervously. Teal'c started to move towards her. "Also, Mr. Murray, who are you and what exactly do you do? Are you Dr. Jackson's bodyguard or what?"

Teal'c raised his eyebrow and answered, "I am from th country of Mozambique. I too speak and read several languages and assist in translating documents on certain assignments and forging alliances with various warring factions. I also make sure DanielJackson remembers to eat, sleep and do most of the heavy lifting."

Daniel stalked over to his teammate, "Hello? I'm right here! And I seem to remember pulling your Ja...um...butt out of the fire a few times over the years?" Teal'c turns to face his glare with a raised eyebrow as his only comment.

As he turned to go back to the front of the class, Teal'c intercepts a bold hand that had reached out for the archeologist's derrière.

Cassie decided that the only way to get Daniel back on topic was to speak up herself. "Dr. Jackson, you explained the criteria need for following a dream of archeology. What if your interests run more to linguistics?"

Daniel sent her a grateful look and launched into an explanation of what was need to go into the field of linguistics and what job opportunities one could find in the military or private industry.

As the class listened to Daniel expound upon the world of linguistics, or at least stare longingly at his beautiful blue eyes, a note dropped on the desk in front of Cassandra. It was a survey about Daniel. The first question was "boxers or briefs," followed by what kind of sheets she thought were on his bed. She absentmindedly scribbled her answers and passed it back.

Suddenly there was a harsh whisper from the girl next to her, "What do you mean there are both in his laundry and that he has blue silk sheets because your mom picked them out?"

From the other side of Cassie's desk landed another note. After opening it she lurched out of her chair screaming, "Oh my God, I'm blind, ew, ew, ew!"

The note floated to the floor behind her. Shannon leaned over casually and picked it up. With an evil grin she put the drawing in her notebook. Forget Jon, she figured that Jack would be able to pay her more. High ranking officers made way more money that high school students. 'Oh yes, Miss Shannon will going on some road trips this year to see the Wizards kick butt,' she thought smugly.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Disclaimer: Not mine no matter how much I pout.

Thanks to Shannon for the proof reading. China here we come!

The jocks froze at Jack's statement. They really didn't want it known that five of them were taken down by the scrawny weird kid.

The quarterback tried to avoid the defensive line's humiliation by asking, "What did you mean by exploring new worlds?"

Jack gathered his thoughts; he really wasn't cut out for this, "Well, the Air Force offers many career opportunities including a future in NASA. Major Carter's field has applications that are beneficial to our country outside of the field of academics."

Sam gave her commanding officer an astonished look; she had never heard him speak this eloquently. He hadn't used any veiled sarcasm either. She wasn't so sure this wasn't a sign of the apocalypse.

"The USAF isn't just about flying airplanes. You can get training in various fields such as medicine, engineering, media relations, or computers. Much of our training has applications outside of the military once your tour is over. You can also get money to go to college on the GI bill," he explained.

"Have you ever killed anyone?" asked another kid who was either very brave or very stupid. Jon was leaning toward the latter.

Jack gave the kid a hard look. "Not recently, but then the day is young."

The kid gulped and scooted down in his chair trying to make himself disappear.

Sam tried to redirect the class's attention, "So, does anyone else have a question for us before our time is up?"

One of the few girls in the room raised her hand, "Is it difficult being a female in the military?" she glanced over at Jack, "Do you find yourself passed over for promotion by less deserving males?"

"There was a time when the military was difficult for women but things have changed over the years as we have proved that women are great assets to the military," Sam answered. "Also, for the record, Col. O'Neill was a highly decorated officer long before I served with him. If there aren't any other questions, thank you for your time. We have pamphlets and cards for your local recruiter if you are interested in getting any more information regarding joining the Air Force."

Suddenly the door crashed open and Shannon ran in giggling like a maniac. She ran behind Sam and Jack as Daniel burst through the door.

_Sorry for the short chapter but the next one will be worth it! Just ask Shannon. :D_


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

_Thanks to Shannon for the proof reading. _

"Hand it over!" he yelled at he as he stalked over to the trio at the front of the class.

Jon placed himself in front of the seething archaeologist. "What seems to be the problem Uncle Danny?" he asked looking like butter wouldn't melt in his mouth

Daniel transferred his glare to the clone. "I want the drawing that student has in her possession!"

"Calm down, Daniel," Sam soothed. "What is so important about it that has you chasing down a teenage girl?"

"Cassie informs me it's a drawing of me without any clothes on!" His tone of voice was downright indignant. He lowered his voice, "If something like that somehow got on base, I would never live it down."

A large grin split Jack's face. "Is this true, Miss Shannon," he questioned in a sing-song voice.

"I plead the fifth on account I haven't had a chance to sell it to you yet," she said with an evil grin on her face.

Jon turned to look at her with a hurt expression. "What? Who's the best friend here? I should have first dibs."

"Sorry, sweetie, but Air Force officers make loads more money than high school students do," she apologized.

"How much do you want," Jack asked trying to remember how much he had on him.

"I'll top whatever offer he makes," was Daniel's desperate reply.

"Now Danny, the lady wasn't talking to you," the Colonel chided.

"Hey I am the injured party here so I get to bid too!" Daniel retorted. "You do not!"

"Do too!"

"Not!"

"Too!"

"Not!"

"Too!"

"Stop it," Shannon interrupted. "I am willing to auction this off to the highest bidder. And no, I don't accept checks. Cash only please."

"I'll give you fifty dollars for it," the head cheerleader shouted.

"I'll give you a hundred," countered Daniel.

Jack calmly said, "One-fifty here."

"The nurses on base would like to bid two hundred dollars," Cassie said. She had followed Daniel across the hall. "Assuming you will take phone bids?"

"Sure, as long as I have the cash by the end of business today," Shannon answered, a smug expression on her face. This was going way beyond her little daydream.

"Three hundred dollars," Daniel pleaded looking a bit green.

"I'll see his three hundred and raise it to four hundred," Jack countered grinning ear to ear.

Sam and Teal'c sat back with the rest of the class and watched the proceedings like a tennis match. Jon got a sudden gleam in his eye and pulled his cell phone out.

"The nurses are willing to go to five hundred," was the counteroffer from Cassie.

"Dollars?" Shannon enquired.

"No. Pesos," Cassie replied, rolling her eyes.

Desperate, Daniel cried out, "One thousand dollars!"

"Fifteen hundred," Jack said with an air of faked indifference.

"Two thousand!" wailed Daniel.

Cassie hung up her phone with a shudder. "Sorry, the nurses are pulling out. They said they can see him naked the next time he has a physical."

Jack sighed. "This is getting a little steep," he said rubbing his hair and playing on Daniel's last nerve. "However, having this little gem to hold over your head Danny, I am willing to go up to twenty-five hundred dollars."

Daniel looked ready to commit murder. His hands wore clenching as if trying to keep from being wrapped around his best friend's neck. "Five thousand dollars," he ground out.

An evil grin crossed Jon's face as he listened to the person on the other end of his call. He strolled over to Shannon and whispered very quietly in her ear.

"SOLD!" she shouted.


	6. Chapter 6

**Sorry for the long wait, I've been having computer issues. As usual, I own nothing and nobody (darn the luck!).**

* * *

Sitting on the desk chair in the corner of the room, Jon nervously cleared his throat, "Do you want me to leave you alone while you roll around on your bed?" he asked sarcastically.

"If you want to watch, go ahead. I have nothing to be ashamed of," Shannon smirked and went back to rolling around on her bed and giggling, enjoying the sound of crinkling bills beneath her. "In fact, it kind of turns me on that you are watching."

Jon blushed, "Yeah well, your foursome is making me uncomfortable."

"Oh alright, I will leave my money orgy for later," Shannon sighed and sat up on the bed. She started to gather the money and count it again. "I cannot believe someone was willing to pay me ten thousand for a high school student's rendition of your uncle in his birthday suit. That is unreal!"

"Yeah, well, the Old Man has a score to settle with Uncle Danny. Something about phallic symbols and natives," Jon replied vaguely. Rubbing his hands together, he went for the distraction. "So, what are you going to do with your new found wealth?" Jon asked.

"Season tickets to the Beautiful Game!" Shannon exclaimed.

Jon got excited, "You're buying us season tickets to the Avalanche! All right!"

"No, dork brain! The Beautiful Game better known as football, futbol or soccer. Eleven well built athletes racing around on a field of green, occasionally knocking the crap out of each other," she explained to Jon as if he were mentally deficient. "Especially the Dynamo," she muttered under her breath.

"Oh, I thought you meant hockey," Jon said in a dejected voice.

"Is Jon-boy pouting? That is so sweet!" Shannon patted him on the head, "If you want, just think of it as hockey without sticks."

The clone scowled at her and swatted her hand away. He made a mental note that he needed a haircut if she could mess up his hair. "At least I have the recording you made. Adam made me a sweet deal of my own," he said perking up.

"I hesitate to ask what your ill gotten gain is," Shannon said taking a slight step back from him.

"It involves a Mr. Beer kit and an Ancient Egyptian recipe for beer," he grinned down at her. "And enough green to get me tickets to the Stanley Cup finals. So there," he stuck his tongue out at her.

"Have I mentioned this week that you have an unhealthy obsession with alcohol and the Simpsons?" the petite redhead looked at him like she was ready to call the men with white coats.

"Yeah, well, everyone needs a hobby," the old man turned teen said as he waggled his eyebrows at her.

"I have to tell you that is a good thing I am your friend or you might have been fitted for a self hugging jacket a long time ago," Shannon told him as she put her new fortune in a special hiding place. She needed to go to a couple of banks the next day and deposit it before her sister found her stash. Putting her arm around his shoulder, she lead him out of the room, "Come on, you, I'm buying the ice cream this afternoon!"

_

* * *

__1 month later..._

Daniel looked around Jack's backyard as off duty members gathered for a Barbeque, SG1 style. Lying in a lounge chair as if his bones had liquefied, he found his old friend. Making his way over, he dropped into the empty chair next to him.

"How is it going?" he inquired.

"As long as the beer in my cooler holds out, I'll be fine," Adam replied.

"You brought your own? Have you given up being a mooch?" Daniel was slightly confused.

"Try this and tell me you would drink that swill Jack calls beer," the other linguist handed over a plain plastic bottle.

Taking a drink, Daniel's eyes widened in shock. "Gods! This isn't beer! How did you get your hands on this ambrosia?"

"You'd be surprised at the things you can get with a little leverage," Adam smiled mysteriously.

* * *

Thanks to ShannonK for letting me borrow her. This fic started with her's and a plot bunny that came up (or two actually). If you want this story to make absolute sense you should read her Spacemonkey series. Now of course, there was a third bunny but my cousin is playing for the US Men's Olympic Soccer Team so don't expect to hear from me till the end of August.

**Go USA!!**


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